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Post by Envy on Sept 18, 2007 19:31:28 GMT -5
"You don't know all of it," he said, quietly. "But it won't help to tell you when you're like this, Carmen... Don't make yourself bleed, either," he added as he watched her hands, feeling as if it were clutching the broken organ in his chest.
Gesturing toward a chair that was opposite the side of the bed, he pleaded with her. "Sit down, Carmen, and I'll tell you. If not, go on and slap me." Riven, however, knew he'd lose it if she did slap him.
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Post by nikki on Sept 18, 2007 19:34:35 GMT -5
She only took another step back, glaring at him defiantly through a layer of moisture in her eyes that she knew she couldn't mask. Never had Carmen felt such rage as this; not ever with the kids who had bothered her for her entire life, not with her tittering, never-silent mother, nor her roaring, impatient father, nor twitchy, geeky Zemestan.
"I'm not sitting, it's not like being any more comfortable it going to help. Just fucking say it already, I don't think you can make it sound any worse now."
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Post by Envy on Sept 18, 2007 19:39:24 GMT -5
Looking at her, knowing his face was contorted in a heartbroken way, he asked her one question. "Would you believe me, even if I told you?" It had that damaged, dying sort of edge where the word decreased in volume as it was spoken. Perhaps you have never been in a position where your throat closes up, you're near tears, and you feel like taking a pistol to your skull and blowing your brains out. However, whether nor not you have, this is exactly what was happening to Riven, and he knew well she probably thought it was an act. But just as her pain was not an act, neither was his.
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Post by nikki on Sept 18, 2007 19:42:03 GMT -5
"I don't know," was her broken-sounding retort; it seemed that she kept switching from furious to lost, every time she blinked. "I don't know. I thought I was sure of so many things, I thought I was sure that you of all people -" in a heartbeat, her rage was back, and she was almost screaming her next words - "would never do anything like this!"
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Post by Envy on Sept 18, 2007 19:49:25 GMT -5
Riven wanted to reach out and hug her, to hold her, to embrace her and to tell her it was okay, like he would have if he weren't the one she was go hurt from. But he was, and it'd earn him a cold shoulder. "I never wanted to hurt you, Carmen. I didn't say those things to get you in bed or to make you love me. I meant them. Flattery may get me no where, especially now, but I'd never stop loving you, Carmen. If you walk out now, I won't stop. And even if you don't believe me, she came to my room, I did not go seduce her into it! I'm sorry Carmen... I never wanted you to get hurt..."
His rambling ceased then as he stared down at his hands that had settled nervously in his lap. Riven was waiting now, waiting for more yelling, more curses, anything she could think of, even to throw something at him.
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Post by nikki on Sept 18, 2007 19:52:45 GMT -5
A tear ran down her cheek as she listened, grudgingly, to Riv. She really wasn't sure what to make of what he said or if she believed it, and she wanted nothing more at this point to forget what Mal had told her, to sit down beside him, to be close to him and to kiss him as though the past had never occured and that they were all that mattered, and nothing else would ever interfere with that.
Finally, with an enormous effort, she spoke.
"Then why didn't you tell me in the first place? Were you hiding it? If you'd told me..." her voice rose again, "then I'd understand, but...!"
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Post by Envy on Sept 18, 2007 20:01:09 GMT -5
"There's no simple way to explain it," he tried, his voids squeezing shut in the effort to keep from breaking down himself. "That and I didn't even think about it. It happened years ago, at least three. I didn't think about three years ago when I met you, I haven't thought about it until just now." He drew in a deep breath as his orbs opened and he lifted his head to stare over at her. "If I could fix the past Carmen, I would. If I could make it so you'd never be unhappy again, I would. But I'm not the ruler of the universe and I can't make gold out of air. I'm just a person."
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Post by nikki on Sept 18, 2007 20:06:09 GMT -5
Yet more tears leaked from her orbs, but she didn't spare a second to be cross with herself for showing weakness, as she usually did whenever she cried. Carmen was unable to find anything else to say, and she took slow steps towards the hospital bed that Riv lay on.
"Life is mandatory," she whispered when she was crouched beside him. "Even if we kill ourselves, or if we are killed, we never truly escape the experiences that happened before. Love is like that, too. Old lovers haunt us..."
She bent and, brushing her lips across his forehead, kissed him for perhaps the last time before standing up and starting for the door.
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Post by Envy on Sept 18, 2007 20:12:47 GMT -5
"Carmen..." He was about to tell her the other girl wasn't his lover, for her to wait, for her to forgive him... but he couldn't tell what he wanted to tell her. All he wanted was for her to be his again, for it to go back to when they were in the alley and he was joking about eloping -- the idea shot his heart to even remember. As his eyes wandered to the hall, he saw Mal with a grin on his face, a sick, twisted little grin. It was not difficult for Riven to see the prank of revenge, nor was it difficult for him to realize... he failed.
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Post by nikki on Sept 18, 2007 20:17:25 GMT -5
She paused; it was almost as though she had been anticipating him to call her back, wanting for him to try again to explain, willing him not to give up just yet, to show her that she was needed and her presence was necessary.
"Yes?" Carmen prompted quietly, staring off into space, hardly even seeing Mal in the hall. It was a good thing, too - she'd probably go into a fury again if she saw him.
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Post by Envy on Sept 18, 2007 20:25:30 GMT -5
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he murmured as clearly as he could, the pitch not able to go louder, "Don't go yet. Let me make it up to you. I love you, Carmen, I've never lied to you when I said those words. Let me try to explain it."
In the best attempt he could, he pushed himself up onto his elbow, wincing as his leg -- bound in a cast and hanging from a thread -- protested his actions. If he was going to lose her for this, he wanted her to stay a while longer. If Mal's half of the story really stayed with her and only that half, it'd eat her inside out. Or Riven believed that, it was already starting to do that to him.
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Post by nikki on Sept 18, 2007 20:28:26 GMT -5
"Fine," she said softly, unable to speak any louder, though the one word mingled with a sniff as tears continued to pour down her cheeks. She buried her face in her hands, not caring about being inconspicious anymore.
Carmen had nothing more to lose; Riv couldn't possibly reveal anything that would hurt her more now. She might as well stay... and stay she would, for now.
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Post by Envy on Sept 18, 2007 20:40:58 GMT -5
Heart dying again and again from her pain, he forced his vocals to work. "Three years ago, Mal had a girlfriend by the name of... I think Amie, but you lose count after the fifth... and they were celebrating because they had been together a year. It had started raining that night and the lightning was horrid, so Mal went out alone after dismissing me and Zen to our rooms. The forever commanding Mal, I guess you'd say.
"It couldn't have been more than five minutes later that she walked into my room. I used to leave the door open, because Zen was always asking if we had this or that. The first thing she said, so casually it would be enough to make you cringe, was 'Hey, Rivvy.' Then she asked what I was doing up there alone, and after a moment she pushed me back and sat on me. The rest I think you know, excluding all the little bits of 'I'll tell Mal you hurt me' with her commands. And damn, she had to of weighed over two hundred, could of swore she cracked one of my ribs."
Looking to her then, he sighed. "And that's it. That is my 'fairy tale' for you that just can't compare to the piece Mal knows." He had slipped his gaze to his brother, who leaned harmlessly against the wall now, as he said his last sentence, which he doubted she'd believe.
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Post by nikki on Sept 18, 2007 20:46:40 GMT -5
"But you went along with it," Carmen couldn't help but point out after he was finished. "You went along with it and almost gave her exactly what she wanted. I don't understand why you did that, and maybe it's not my business because I didn't know you then, but it still bothers me, Riv," Shocked by the clear way she was speaking, and that she was telling him her exact emotions, Carmen did not stop.
"When I said I loved you so many times before, I wasn't lying. And Riv..." She paused and bit her lip. "I still do. But I don't really know what to say or do anymore."
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Post by Envy on Sept 18, 2007 20:54:43 GMT -5
"Mal was obsessed with her," Riven started, knowing it was pointless to keep trying. "When I was thirteen I go in a fight with him and got my left arm disabled for a while. It was still in a cast when that happened... I preferred having properly working limbs, but maybe that's just me being selfish. I didn't love her, Carmen. I never loved her, and I never will. She doesn't mean anything to me."
Trying to keep his breathing in check from the way he was weighing it all on his heart, he said, "I really do love you, Carmen. If it were possible, I would get down on my knees and tell you in exact detail how much I love you, but I can't even stand up at the moment. I don't want you to be hurt Carmen, I don't want you to be in pain... I caused to everything I wanted to avoid bringing down on you..."
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